He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
