answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
