So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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