wanna go halves on a baby?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Even my vagina gasped.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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