I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
