We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
