It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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