I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
