I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
