Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
