Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Less talking, more tequila
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
