What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
false alarm, still single
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