I heard we made out
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
