I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
