He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
