dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
