Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
