I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
