remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
