Don't make out with my wife yet
I CAN MOONWALK!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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