The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
