she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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