If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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