Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
