ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
