youre lurking in front of me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
