I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
