Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
