Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
