so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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