Define "chronic" masturbator.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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