ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
