so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
