remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
