He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
