I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
