I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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