Please, let me fuck your mom
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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