I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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