My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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