You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
