Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
