I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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