Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
