My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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