There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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