So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
