i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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