he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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