She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
