if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
