Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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