Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
as a side note pls kill me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
