That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
