it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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