Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
