If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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