You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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