Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
