Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
