i just sent this text using only my big toe
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
