youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
