So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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