umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
