I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
