I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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