I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
