his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
