I smell stomach acid.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
